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I don't even know how to begin.

Back in college, I'd often think to myself when I was studying the characters in literature texts that being a victim of circumstance is by choice. How difficult was it to break free of one's situation in life? Make a choice, and fucking work for it. You can choose to be a victim, or not.

I have been immature and too idealistic. Making a choice involves many other considerations. I regret what I've said and done, and I regret even more not saying what I should have said and done.

And awareness. I told myself I have to be aware of everything, to be in the know. The truth is what matters. But now that I know more than I used to, what is it that really matters? Things have not changed. I am fucking powerless. I have been of no use. I've never felt so vulnerable and torn.

Why am I useless?